Saturday, January 6, 2018

Invisible, visible, love.

A long time ago, I read something motivational that looked like a short poem.  It was about love.  I can't recall how it went, but it was basically a "at this moment someone is" type of poem.  So, it would go like this:  At this moment someone is thinking about you.  At this moment, someone is praying for you.  At this moment someone wishes they could be you.  At this moment, someone is looking up to you. And so on and so forth.  You get the message.  At this moment, someone loves you.
When I read the poem, I thought, awwww.  And then the reality of my situation hit me.  Is it true?  Seriously?  At "this" moment someone is actually praying for me?  That can't be.  Who would be actually praying for me?  My mom?  Who else?  Ah.  It's just one of those posts.  It's not true, but the concept is really sweet.  That's where I left it, several years ago.  The post did not cross paths with me, like so many other Facebook reposts and memes.  I could see that post from a distance, mock me.  You don't believe me, the post would tell me.  Why should I show up in your life, oh ye of so little faith?  I would reply back to the invisible post, that almost appears like an imaginary person in my mind and say, I love the idea.  It would be awesome if it were true, but I just don't see it.  I only have one person in my life who truly loves me and cares about me and that person is sleeping right now as it's night time, so there you have it.  How can you be true?  The post would smile back and say something.  I can't hear it, but I would drift off to sleep wishing for the poem.
Recently, 3 months ago, a friend of mine that I had met only once in London, lost her mother.  I know about it because she posted it on Facebook.  She used to be avid on Facebook.  She even started a blog and a Facebook blog and that's how I got the idea to take my blog on Facebook.  Well, over night, when her whole life turned upside down, in my corner of the world, I started noticing her absence and starting feeling sad for her grief.  There were no more Facebook posts, and no more blogs.  It all ended over night.  There I was, thinking about her and praying for her.  It was instinct to pray for her and wish her the best.  Did she know it?  No.  Not at that time.  It was later that I messaged her to tell her that I missed her digital presence.  Then I realized the poem; at this moment...
As though that was not enough, I've been fighting a sickness and these past couple of days, I went to Arizona to attend a conference I had signed up to attend a few months prior.  I was getting more sick. In fact, the day before the conference, my husband asked me, "should you be going?"  I said, "I'll be fine."  I don't know what I was thinking.  Deep down, I asked myself the same question.  Should I be going?  Why am I doing this?  How important is this meeting to me?
Long story short, I went.  Yesterday was the first day.  I was not well.  I felt like I was sinking, rapidly.  My energy was down to 5%, if I had it and after fumbling through the information, I returned to my hotel room, early, shaking.  I was secretly chiding myself for my stupidity.  I was feverish and weak and I just wanted to talk to someone.  Usually, I could call my husband and whine about feeling badly and he would tell me to go to bed and he would tell me that he would meet me the next day and I would feel a bit better.  That didn't happen.  I called.  No answer.  I called again.  No answer.  I texted.  No response.  I texted again.  No response and finally after 10 minutes of trying to text him, I get a text back.  He was at The Last Jedi.  Oh well.  I would have to crash without anyone to talk to.  The truth is that I really didn't have the energy to talk.  I just wanted to whine.  I was miserable.  I felt more miserable knowing that the one person who understood my sickness and who loved me enough to put up with me was not available.  I was suddenly feeling like no one cared.  I wasn't about to just randomly call people and whine.  I didn't have a list like that.  The poem, was wrong after all.
And just like that, my phone rings.  It's my cousin.  She wanted to check on me and see how I was doing.  She knew I was sick a couple of days back.
Wow!  She was thinking about me.  That was so sweet.  It's not true that no one cared.  People did care.  I just didn't know about it.  It was then that the poem shows up while I'm trying to huddle under the blankets and she's trying to figure out why I'm so stupid to have gone to this conference.  At this moment...  I would have never guessed that she would have called to check on me, but she did.  I didn't even know that she remembered I was sick.  I figured, she would have just assumed I got better.  The poem smiles at me.  I was right, wasn't I?  Yes, you were, I say, as I slowly try to breath and drift to sleep.
Just because we don't "see" it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.  Even invisible love, turns visible.
Oh and about that post saying something to me earlier, that I didn't hear.  Now I know what it was.  All it said was, "just you wait!"  Indeed.
Here's wishing you all lives filled with visible and invisible loves.
Best to you all,

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