Saturday, November 12, 2022

Musings in Covid delirium

I have so much to write about.  So much to process.  Obviously, it's the same old story.  Life got in the way of this blog.  I looked at the posts and I see there's one post in 2020, one in 2021 and if I post this, then it'll at least be one in 2022.

The thing is that I have been craving blogging for a while now.  But then I have this other "blog" that I started on my website that is perpetually under construction and not being able to transfer this blog there and to essentially split my blogs into 3 separate topics, namely books, travel and everything else, has not worked out well for me.  I think splitting it all up like that has just made my mind go crazy. So, instead of blogging here or there, I ended up blogging no where.  It's sad really because I do love to write my thoughts and blogging helps me process my world because God knows my mind is a perpetual mess.

So, let's talk about the split in blogs and topics.  The thing is that I read/heard that people come to your blog or your instagram etc because of a niche market.  If you don't stand for anything, then why should they follow you.  Because one minute you can talk about books and then travel and then dentistry and who cares at that point because people come for certain topics.  It's hard to break it all down and split it.  And I think, ultimately, I am a sum of everything and I can just call this a "lifestyles" blog and be done with it.  No splitting. I have to do what works for me.

Yes, I have my podcast that is taking a hit right now and I have an Instagram/Bookstagram account for that podcast.  Except what happens when I want to post something random on Instagram?  I haven't really opened a personal account or a theythrowrocks account and then I will have to keep switching accounts to post. When I started my twitter account with @drshahnazahmed I have ONE account.  I post what I want, when I want and I like it. Although, I see the benefit of having different topics on different accounts for people to follow, but again, if I claim to be everything and nothing and people want to follow, great.  If not, oh well.

Yes, I have Covid.  And I'm processing the direction of my life.  No, it's not because of Covid.  Let me back up.  I went to speech contest in Florida.  I got to the finals.  I didn't win. The judge later told me that I sounded "angsty" and his review said I came across as "shouty".  My cousin said that I sounded loud and too much passion.  Although, another friend of mine, who's very blunt usually, said I was spot on.  My husband loved it also.  So, the question became why I didn't win.  Was it that the judges didn't understand "theatre" and performance, but anyway.  I didn't win.  I'm still trying to get over it.  There are so many emotions from not coming home with a win, but what I came home with was Covid.  After the contest we went to the Smiles At Sea Cruise and I came home and had to pack immediately and go to Iowa for work - long story, we need to discuss my professional life at a later blog.  Anyway, I am there and Wednesday night I'm getting sick.  I thought I was just really tired and go go going. I got a text from someone on the cruise that she got Covid and she said that I should test, if I had the test.  Well, I thought, I was only sick, nothing to sing home about, so I took out the Covid test.  And I was surprised when it showed up positive.

So, here I am processing my fatigue and trying to process the events of the speaking contest (Dentistry's Got Talent) and the cruise. I had 3 people ask me if I had a speaking business. No, I do not.  I just stumbled upon this contest and blew their minds I suppose with my speech? The first speech, the one that got me to the finals, haha. I heard people tell me that I am headed upwards. What does that mean?  I met this woman and in our first meeting she said I was headed for greatest. How does someone see that in another person? Just by a conversation? Just by my authenticity? I don't know. But I do know this.  I'm in a search.  For myself and a new profession and a new realization.  Does it involve speaking?  Does it involve growth? Coaching? I don't know.  But I know that I have some hard conversations coming up with the mirror and some work to be done.

I've gone all over the place with this post.  I think I need to post more "all over the place" posts to catch up. But my hope is to blog more.  Maybe.  Just maybe. Maybe, if I keep it to this blog and not worry about my other site...and maybe if I were to do book reviews and travel and everything else here...then... I wouldn't have to worry about the other blog and then I can find some semblance of consistency? Maybe? Yes. Maybe. We shall see.

But for now, I'm off. Thank you all for reading and hanging in there with me.