Thursday, January 3, 2019

Never give up!

I know people say this.  I've read a lot of memes about how persistence pays.  It's the plugging along and the plugging along and the plugging along and the one fine day, everything works concept.  It's easier said than done.  I don't want to hear, but I'm sure there are millions of stories of the trying and trying and trying and never making it to where they wanted.  I guess, we don't want to focus on that because then we'd most likely quit.  Heck.  I may not even start.
The thing with this concept is the continued focus even when things are going south.  When things are not staying in a consistent lull, but actually getting worse.  How does one not give up in those situations?  I don't have the answer, but I will talk about a couple of situations where I've heard this "never give up" philosophy work.
Situation 1.  I am following a podcast on Anchor and I haven't listened to a lot of their episodes, but there was one particular episode where the speaker talks about how he had only 7 listens to his podcast one day and he thought he was irrelevant.  He wanted to give up and then boom, it changed and a week later it just grew and it became 1000 people listening.  Wow.  I would like to know how that happens.  I would like a 100 people to listen for starters.  I'm digressing.  The point was that he stuck it through and if he would have quit when there was 7, he would have never known the potential.  It probably was really hard with just 7 listens especially when you are trying to make it big and when your livelihood depends on it.
The reason for this podcast is not situation 1.  It's situation 2 that really spoke to me.
Situation 2.  I'm in Antigua on the beach reading a book.  This a public beach and the vendors approach you to ask if you want to buy something or book a tour.  They are trying to do business and it's their livelihood.  There are guests who book and why not?  If you are not interested as a guest, you just say, "No thank you" and they move on.  Sometimes, they'll stop and ask how you are and what your plans are and if you want to book with them.  So, maybe the conversation takes a few more sentences than "Are you interested in a tour?" Reply with "No thank you".  I was on a beach chair reading a book and I didn't want to get interrupted but I didn't mind.  I understood the culture and it was fine.  A couple in the beach chair next to us, did not want to get interrupted and instead of "no thank you." They responded with "Do not talk to me.  I'm just trying to relax here and you come and talk to me."  And the vendor, I will not blame him said, "It's a public beach.  I can approach anyone I want." And this conversation went on and on with the guest getting more and more frustrated and security at the resort stepped in and finally the vendor moved on.  As he moved on, he said to himself and loudly, "Never Give up!  Never Give up!" and I wished I had a tour to book with him, but I didn't.  In face of contempt, the vendor, shook it off and held on to his mantra and went on.  I watched and thought about how often we shake away something bad and say to ourselves, "never give up."  For me, not too many times.  But maybe, I do need to do that more often.
So, before I go, Never Give Up dear friends.  Great things are coming your way.

Thursday, December 27, 2018

Mid-life crisis and the mental block

As is the case when I've been gone for so long, I feel like I need to explain myself to you all.  I feel I need to fill you all in on my life and my podcast.  Yes, I do have a podcast now.  I have a new website now, with my name on it.  Yes.  My actual name.  As my husband asked me when I pondered the concept of eventually moving Theythrowrocks there, "But you won't be anonymous anymore!"  Hmmm.  Anonymity.  I thought it would give me the strength to be true.  To speak my mind.  To just say it as I see it, with judgement and all.  To bear myself.  To bear my true self.  While I "decided" that I was going to give it all up, then again, in true TTR fashion, I think about it.  Should I?  But don't most of my readers know who I am already?
OK, so that's something that I shuttle back and forth in my mind, but lately, my mind and even my life has felt like a mess.  Imagine a set of long tiny wires all tangled together and as you remove one knot, you create several others and after trying for as long as one does, you just give it all up.  You realize those wires will not ever be untangled and there's nothing you can do about it.  No amount of patience was going to help you.  Funny thing with mid-life crisis or just life crisis is that it jams your brain and like the tangles of wires, you try and try and nothing works.  Except with your brain you don't have a choice of trashing it and picking a new piece of neuronal networks.  I worked with the tangles and it became my new reality.  Simple questions became difficult to understand or respond to.  What are you doing with your life?  What do you want?  The answer was always, I have no flipping clue.  Seriously.  I wanted to give it all up and start over.  Then there's the finances to consider.  I couldn't think straight to try to salvage my reality and my job.  I looked for something new.  Maybe I want that.  No.  I want that.  In this mayhem, I cannot imagine how I started and kept consistent with a podcast.  Something that doesn't pay me at all.  It can't be a profession or a job.  I know you have to be famous to make it that way, but I'm a nobody right now.  I'm just TTR who's still struggling to understand the reasons for my own anonymity.
I just returned from a fabulous vacation to Sandals Grande Antigua.  Sandals, a chain that my husband and I have chosen, has been fun.  Has been a week of beach and sand and great food.  This time around, I decided it better be more.  I didn't know what I wanted from the beach but I looked up "beach meditation" online just in case.  So, first day out, we do our breakfast and I make it to the water.  I tell my husband that I am going to meditate and be one with the Universe and he laughs rolling his eyes because he knows his wife is crazy.  I don't care.  I feel the sand under my feet.  I look at the water, the small waves, the tiny ripples.  I look at the light greenish blue color of the water, as it turns bluer towards the horizon.  I look out at the shore line of white sand and the waves crashing.  I kept doing this.  Day 1.  Day 2.  Day 3.  And sometime around Day 2, some things started making sense in my life.  The twisted network that refused to work started sending signals.  I felt a change within me.  A clarity, if you will.  Suddenly I was able to see my work and what I wanted from it and also from my podcast and my blogs.  Yes, blogs.  I plan to have 3.  This one which is going to continue to be a lifestyles blog.  A wandering spirit blog about my travels and the third one, the script of my Living A Life Through Books podcast.
And I think about my office and what will make it work.  Everything that felt like a crushing feeling within me, was slowly releasing away and I could see clearer.  There was still a question I had in my mind that I was not finding the answer to.  I couldn't connect completely.  Day 4.  Better clarity.  I need to get a dot journal or whatever those things are called.  Or just a TTR style journal.  Day 5.  As I lay down to bed, the one question about my office hits me.  The why I do what I do.  It may seem crazy but you know how parents tell you not to touch a hot pot or just stuff like that and you learn it instinctively and it becomes a part of you.  What if someone asked you why you don't touch the pot anymore and you just didn't know why?  What if you didn't remember that pot was hot, but you just didn't touch it because of habit.  And when someone asks you, you say, that's just how it is, but you stumble with the why of something as simple as that.  Well, similarly with my job there was something I did and there was a reason.  Except, I did not remember what that reason was.  I think I starred at the blue ocean and felt the waves for a long time looking for that one last answer and it was the night of day 5 that it came to me.  More than just the answer.  A conviction about why I did what I did.  I spent Day 6 floating in the ocean and thanking the Universe for giving me answers that I couldn't find anywhere else.
Now, here I am, in a lounge at Miami International Airport, feeling a renewed sense of clarity.  OK.  I would be lying if I said I sorted every answer out.  As I sorted answers out, more questions came up and most of them have been sorted out.  The most important thing is the clog in my brain that has cleared up.  I can answer questions now.  My brain actually feels like it got a jump start.
Is is all mid-life crisis?  Is it all a mental block?  Who knows?  I know one thing for sure.  Everyone says they need the beach, that they need a vacation.  I feel my definition of a vacation has been to get away from it all for a while.  A panacea for a week and then back to the grind.  A bandaid that doesn't cure that which is your reality.  That used to be vacation for me.  This one was a first.  I can look at the beach with a renewed focus and a new set of eyes.  The eyes that allow me to return.  The eyes that want me to return and live the life I set out to live.
Before I go, I will say that I am not clueless to the stresses that are going to hit me as I get home.  I know the brain will unfortunately get clogged again.  I also know that, for me, a week of beach meditation and gratitude for being able to experience it has gone a long, long, long way.
I wish you all the best in this coming New Year.

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

How to cut a jackfruit

Dear friends,

Here's a crazy video I decided to post.  Hope you all enjoy it.  It's just one of those wild things that I thought about sharing and said, "why not?"

I could talk about the LONG Facebook live video that my husband posted of myself cutting a different jackfruit.  I would have loved to add the elements from that video, but my camera cut off while recording and I had to re-record some stuff so some stuff just didn't get recorded and the sequence got cady-wompused (is that a word?)

Before I go, on a totally different note, for those of you not following my Facebook page, a lot of changes are coming my way.  I have a podcast now called "living a life through books" and I'm going to do a TTR podcast also.  And I'm going to be having a new website and all that jazz.  I know I have been MIA, but please bear with me and it's going to be fun.

Hope you all are having a great day.  Catcha all later,


Monday, June 4, 2018

All over the place

Dear readers, first off, I want to thank you for being there and putting up with my rambles.  For those of you who have been with me from the first day, I cannot tell you how much your support means to me.  Usually, when a post starts like this, it's usually a post about an end, but I'm not here to end this blog.  Far from it.  I'm just here to give you a tiny window into my crazy brain that is all over the place.  OK.  You've figured it out from my posts already.  I can hear one of your go, "have you finished your ship yet?".  No I haven't, although I have been thinking about going back to the basement and start working on it again.  It's just that my brain keeps hopping from one thing to another.  I'm glad I've even stayed half way consistent with this blog.
Last year, in efforts to tame my crazy mind, I started a project.  It was to read a book a month.  I finished it.  It was a big deal for me.  Well, it was also motivational to me because for the first time I felt that I can finish things.  That's why I was thinking about the ship again.  Finish one task at a time, I tell myself.  It's all a great idea but with all great ideas, more ideas pour into the mix and my brain goes on a scrambled mission yet again.  I have tried to keep focus with my books and that focus alone has helped me stay on a path.  A path leading to a new venture.  I'm planning on starting a podcast.  No.  It's not going to be like this blog and all over the place.  It's going to be about my journey through books.  It's not necessarily a book review.  Maybe I discuss some books, but mostly it's about how this journey of reading one book a month has changed me and how it makes me process my relationship with books.  So, while I'm all over the place, I do plan to keep up with this blog.  I will be starting another new blog also, which will essentially be the script of my Podcast and of course will be doing the Podcast.  I'm hoping to start sometime in July and I would appreciate your support.  And again, thank you for sticking with me through my many adventures.  Here's to many more adventures together.
Best to you all,

Going around in circles

Everyday for years now, I have taken the same path to work.  It's timed to be about a fourteen to sixteen minute drive depending on the lights.  I don't know why I settled on this path because there are 3 different ways to get to my office from home.  Everything was all smooth until last week when they decided to close, for 3 months, the main path that I used.  Like I said, there are 2 other paths to my office.  I picked a different path, which ended up being a eleven to a thirteen minute drive except, it's not always that way.  Let me explain.
When you drive the same path everyday, you don't pay attention.  Muscle memory kicks in and your car just drives itself.  When that path is blocked, changing a habit becomes tricky.  I have to repeat to myself over and over, take a left, not a right.  This is a left here and yet, I forget and lose myself.  I think I have taken a couple of right turns and then had to take a U-turn around and added time to my commute by 1 - 2 minutes.  Interesting enough, that's happened only couple of times to get to work.  Getting back is a different story.  I think there may have been only one day so far that I made it the right way.  One day, I turned the wrong way and then I cut across the parking lot and turned around and was about to turn back the wrong way but I remembered.  Today, I turned the wrong way all the way until I hit the sign that said "road closed ahead".  How did this happen?  When will I be able to drive and pay attention to where I'm going.  After all, I just realized this new path would save me 3 minutes.  It would make sense to just do it, but my mind just wants to go to autopilot when I'm driving, especially when I'm driving back.  Today I kept repeating to myself that I had to go the other way, after I made one turn around.  Well, repeating and focusing helped, but I never thought driving to and from work would be so much effort.  I wonder if one day I'll just drive around and around and around and how many circles I'd have to make before my mind can focus and actually go home.  I wonder.
That's it for this post.  Nothing deep but it is what it is.

Sunday, May 13, 2018

Thoughts on Mother's Day

Mother's Day is almost over and I've been musing about this post.  I want to write something, but what?  I thought, I could start with the definition of "mother", but then in reality, I unfortunately do not know that definition.  I know it from one side of the story - watching and learning from my own mother.  The other side would be the true understanding of motherhood that only comes from being a mom.  I think in my life, I've gotten micro slices of that feeling of intense love that fills your senses and takes away all common sense where a child could have you wrapped around their little finger and play you like a violin.  I've seen that happen also and have watched mothers be oblivious to the power yielded by their little monsters.  Alas, am I straying off course?  Maybe.  Maybe not.
Today, on Facebook I saw a post from a mom advising other moms to "milk it" for today anything was fair game.  I personally, felt bad for that mom.  I thought about the moms who might have felt the need to "milk it".  It's like they give their whole life and sacrifice and deal with the crap of the wonderful nature of motherhood and they get what in return?  A day!  Out of 365 days, they get ONE day.  My mom always said that everyday was Mother's Day and that's what I feel.  A mother is more deserving of being special everyday and it's almost an insult to give her one day.  One measly day.  It's like saying, I love you and I appreciate you and I'll take the time and effort on this day.  The other days, well, don't expect much.  It's not mother's day and we did all that stuff for mother's day so get over it!!!
My niece asked me this morning if I wished my mom a happy Mother's Day.  I told her I'll get to it.  And then after going around and running errands, I went to visit my mom.  I don't know if I did it for mother's day or if I just wanted to go visit with her.  No.  I think I went because I felt obligated for Mother's Day and the sad part of it is that I almost feel like it absolves me of my duties as a daughter because I took the time and effort to go visit her on Mother's day.  If she calls, I can always say, hey, I visited on Mother's Day so don't complain.  See, my mom would tell me off and tell me that there is no such thing as Mother's day and the fact I visited her on Mother's Day doesn't count.  Everyday should be just as special.  I guess that's why I didn't send her flowers or do anything different.
For those of you who think that I'm a horrible daughter for not doing something out of this world on Mother's Day, well, you are entitled to your opinions.  My mother, has done more for me, than I could ever hope to do for her, even if I spent everyday and treated it as a special day for her.  Ya.  That's a mother.  My mom has worried about me and still worries about me when I get sick.  She's the only one who prays for me and wishes for my health, happiness and success.  I won't say I have the best mom in the world.  I think my mom is far from perfect and to live thinking that she's infallible is an error.  She has, however, despite her mistakes, always wanted and hoped for what was best for me.  Even if I didn't agree with her, she hoped and did what she felt was the right choice for me.  So, that's mom.  She's hilarious, crazy, smart, silly, caring, loving, the best cook and everything else.  Doesn't she deserve more than a day?
Alright.  Rant over.  Go on about your own business.

Saturday, May 12, 2018

Influenza B changes your life perspective

I don't know where I got the flu from.  Before you ask me about the flu shot, let me just tell you that I did not do it.  This is not about a "serves you right" post.  I have never had the flu shot and for years I've had flu like symptoms but never the full blown flu.  Well, I guess you live and learn.
What does the flu feel like?  I couldn't walk.  I couldn't talk.  I couldn't sit up in bed for longer than an hour.  I was too exhausted to brush my teeth.  Being a dentist, that was something that hit me.  Way back in the days of my residency, with kids in the hospital, the last thing that would be taken care of would be the brushing of teeth.  Now, I understand.  I was too groggy and confused to think about standing and brushing for a good 2 mins.  I'm also asthmatic and the flu triggered my asthma and so I wasn't breathing well either.  My muscles hurt and spasmed randomly.  Oh yeah.  I couldn't hold down food.  I even threw up a sip of gatorade.  All of this and coughing lead to a headache also.  Basically, I wasn't a happy camper.
All I'll say is that there are a lot of things we take for granted everyday.  The ability to breathe normally is something that I still don't have, a week later.  I think about having the energy to walk normally and just enjoy the weather outside.  I think that's life.  We don't see what we have until it's taken away.  A lot of times I'm thinking about material things I want - a new Kindle for instance.  Wanting puts me at a position of not having.  After having the flu, I want nothing more than my health.  Having all systems working normally is a gift indeed.
I'm not saying we shouldn't shoot for the stars with our goals or that we shouldn't want.  I just feel that we don't recognize what we have so readily as our focus is not on what we have but what we don't have.  A little gratitude goes a long way.
Here's hoping your lives are filled with plenty and you have no want.
Wishing you all the best in health and happiness,