Saturday, June 11, 2016

Writer's block?

Here I am staring at the screen.  Mind blank.  Yet, a few hours ago, I had enough to fill this page in a few minutes.  So, instead of trying to figure out what I was thinking about then, I thought I would try a new avenue.  Why the blank?  Do I really have nothing more to say?  Am I all dried out from inside?  On the contrary.
This afternoon, I was going through a mid-life crisis.  I was feeling inadequate as my book lies unwritten and unopened for years.  I was lost then.  And yet, in my journey through searching for my life, I was found in the hope of this post.  Now, I stumble.  I have a half a post.  An empty mind.  I wonder about this blog and its readership.  I think somewhere in the abyss of having not accomplished goals I had set out to do, I felt that I had this blog.  Now, I wonder about this also.  Do I have a blog?  I do, but then again, I don't.  It's not something captivating.  Perhaps I must admit to my boring self and not try for something greater.  But then, I know that's not me.  I have to strive and push and endure.  It's in my nature.  I'm not a phoenix and I do not rise from the ashes, but I'm the sparks from a low ember.  Not too hot to be potent and not gone.  Left to wither away in the elements.  Slowly.
I think about my life and wonder about my choices and the what ifs.  All what ifs come with consequences.  Some fabulous ones and some horrible ones.  So, I cannot focus on that.  I need to focus on somehow reigniting myself and my passions.  Somehow, I need to figure out how to complete projects without leaving everything scattered about while I wander aimlessly from one thought to another, leaving those behind also, with no consequence.
I guess such is the human experience.
Thank you for reading my musings, while I try to jump start my brain.

Best to you all,

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