When I started this blog, the one advice I got was to write down blog post ideas. Well, I did write ideas down. I have a few sitting on my iPhone notes even as we speak, but the funny thing with jotting down idea points, is emotion. I feel that when I get an idea or a thought to write, it comes with feelings and invariably those feelings help my words and my expressions. If I'm not in the moment, even if I'm writing about it, I lose the moment and my writing shows. I feel it'll be a disjointed fact page missing the beat. Sometimes, I get lucky. The thought returns with the emotion and so there you have it.
Last Christmas, 2014, I was invited yet again to the annual Mercy Christmas dinner. I have always looked forward to this dinner. They have 4 ice sculptors, live classical music and a buffet of food that will fill you if you tried just a bit of everything. Shrimp cocktail is what I primarily indulge in and then I suffer not being able to try a lot of the other foods. Dessert is the chocolate fountain with strawberries, and other fruits to dip in, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. There's a plethora of little cakes and eclair type things. It feels quite heavenly really. It's funny how excited and happy one gets when they are presented with a ton of desserts. I usually feel like a kid again. Anyway, it has sort of been a tradition for me to go to this dinner for the past several years. It's a dress up affair, and the only thing I need to figure out is who I'm talking with me.
2014 was strange. I got invited again. I was free that evening. I had a date, my husband, and he was free also. We both had nowhere to be and we had a nothing evening ahead of us, and yet, we didn't go! Yes, just like that. We didn't go. I looked at him and explained the hospital dinner that we had been to the year before and basically stated that I didn't feel up to it. The whole thrill of a free fancy dinner had somewhere evaporated and there I was suddenly all mature and grown up and taking charge of my life and doing what I wanted even if protocol dictated otherwise. I can't recall what we did. I think we just hung out at home, ate some left overs from food I'd cooked in the past and just snuggled watching television or a DVD.
I did not miss the grand Christmas dinner. The pomp and circumstance that made me so excited to go to this fancy dinner had finally died. I have made it. Even this experience had worn thin. In the deep recesses of my mind I am grateful. Grateful to have had the experience, grateful to be able to recognize the facade of the fancy, and grateful to have spent a quiet evening at home instead.
I started this post talking about how I have notes for what blogs I want to write and how I need an emotion to write them. Interesting enough, this post is not in my iPhone. Maybe it is. I haven't checked of late. I am sitting at my office ready to leave home and the thought of the Christmas party came up. The thought of a blog post that had disappeared suddenly peeked through the clouds and said, "write about me." As I was close to leaving, I decided to add it to my notes on my phone, but then I changed my mind. Why not add the notes to my blogger and keep it as a post that is not published? I could go home and finish it or finish it some other time. At least, it would be on blogger.
Well, 5 paragraphs of notes later, I think I only need to edit this one before I post. See what an emotion can do. It writes the post itself. I need only to sit on the computer. Perhaps I'll look at the iPhone notes and see what I want to write about next. See, if they talk to me, but if not, I may just wait for more ideas to suddenly break through and hope I'm at a computer when that happens.
Best always,
TTR
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