Musings in Covid delirium

I have so much to write about.  So much to process.  Obviously, it's the same old story.  Life got in the way of this blog.  I looked at the posts and I see there's one post in 2020, one in 2021 and if I post this, then it'll at least be one in 2022.

The thing is that I have been craving blogging for a while now.  But then I have this other "blog" that I started on my website that is perpetually under construction and not being able to transfer this blog there and to essentially split my blogs into 3 separate topics, namely books, travel and everything else, has not worked out well for me.  I think splitting it all up like that has just made my mind go crazy. So, instead of blogging here or there, I ended up blogging no where.  It's sad really because I do love to write my thoughts and blogging helps me process my world because God knows my mind is a perpetual mess.

So, let's talk about the split in blogs and topics.  The thing is that I read/heard that people come to your blog or your instagram etc because of a niche market.  If you don't stand for anything, then why should they follow you.  Because one minute you can talk about books and then travel and then dentistry and who cares at that point because people come for certain topics.  It's hard to break it all down and split it.  And I think, ultimately, I am a sum of everything and I can just call this a "lifestyles" blog and be done with it.  No splitting. I have to do what works for me.

Yes, I have my podcast that is taking a hit right now and I have an Instagram/Bookstagram account for that podcast.  Except what happens when I want to post something random on Instagram?  I haven't really opened a personal account or a theythrowrocks account and then I will have to keep switching accounts to post. When I started my twitter account with @drshahnazahmed I have ONE account.  I post what I want, when I want and I like it. Although, I see the benefit of having different topics on different accounts for people to follow, but again, if I claim to be everything and nothing and people want to follow, great.  If not, oh well.

Yes, I have Covid.  And I'm processing the direction of my life.  No, it's not because of Covid.  Let me back up.  I went to speech contest in Florida.  I got to the finals.  I didn't win. The judge later told me that I sounded "angsty" and his review said I came across as "shouty".  My cousin said that I sounded loud and too much passion.  Although, another friend of mine, who's very blunt usually, said I was spot on.  My husband loved it also.  So, the question became why I didn't win.  Was it that the judges didn't understand "theatre" and performance, but anyway.  I didn't win.  I'm still trying to get over it.  There are so many emotions from not coming home with a win, but what I came home with was Covid.  After the contest we went to the Smiles At Sea Cruise and I came home and had to pack immediately and go to Iowa for work - long story, we need to discuss my professional life at a later blog.  Anyway, I am there and Wednesday night I'm getting sick.  I thought I was just really tired and go go going. I got a text from someone on the cruise that she got Covid and she said that I should test, if I had the test.  Well, I thought, I was only sick, nothing to sing home about, so I took out the Covid test.  And I was surprised when it showed up positive.

So, here I am processing my fatigue and trying to process the events of the speaking contest (Dentistry's Got Talent) and the cruise. I had 3 people ask me if I had a speaking business. No, I do not.  I just stumbled upon this contest and blew their minds I suppose with my speech? The first speech, the one that got me to the finals, haha. I heard people tell me that I am headed upwards. What does that mean?  I met this woman and in our first meeting she said I was headed for greatest. How does someone see that in another person? Just by a conversation? Just by my authenticity? I don't know. But I do know this.  I'm in a search.  For myself and a new profession and a new realization.  Does it involve speaking?  Does it involve growth? Coaching? I don't know.  But I know that I have some hard conversations coming up with the mirror and some work to be done.

I've gone all over the place with this post.  I think I need to post more "all over the place" posts to catch up. But my hope is to blog more.  Maybe.  Just maybe. Maybe, if I keep it to this blog and not worry about my other site...and maybe if I were to do book reviews and travel and everything else here...then... I wouldn't have to worry about the other blog and then I can find some semblance of consistency? Maybe? Yes. Maybe. We shall see.

But for now, I'm off. Thank you all for reading and hanging in there with me.

TTR

What happens when you text an inspirational message to someone you care, everyday?

 Hello everyone,

I'm not even going to start with where I have been or what I've been doing or even come up with a long apology or promise for this blog.  I'll give you two words.  Life happens.

Let's start off with Covid.  I have been fortunate.  Myself and my husband did not get sick.  We also were one of the first few to get the vaccine.  So that was all good.  I'm an introvert and being told to be at home was wonderful, but not everything in my life was great.

My office took a hit.  A major hit.  Okay fine.  A bit more than a major hit.  A super mega major hit.

While I was grappling with that and also figuring out other things, hits if you want to call them that and things I cannot talk about, I came across this idea where someone said that they messaged their nieces everyday.  I thought, wow.  That's a great idea. A message a day to lift someone up.  So, I started messaging my own nieces.

I would think about random stuff I have heard.  Like "Let go and let God."  Or "I believe in you." I cannot recall all the messages.  I've been doing this, I think, since the beginning of this year. When you commit to something, I realized it's not easy to find inspirational messages, everyday.  I was dedicated to this so I started looking for quotes and messages and sometimes I'll screen shot memes I see on Facebook or instagram and send that.

There would be days I would feel down and depressed myself.  I would need someone to send me a message to pick me up, let alone send my nieces a message.  All I wanted was someone to send me some kindness.  Of course, I didn't have a person like that and I still didn't have a message for my nieces for that day.  That's when I would reflect on the books I've read and the advice from some of the books.  One of the advices when you are down or you think life is going in the wrong direction, is to talk to yourself like you would your best friend.  What would I tell my best friend going through "life"? I started giving myself advice and I would take the advice and make it into the inspirational text of the day.

So, texts may have sounded like, "If you feel like quitting.  Don't.  Your second wind is right around the corner." That was what I would say to myself.  That was my way of picking myself up.  And so a lot of the messages were really inspirational messages to myself.  I would text what I craved and what I wanted.  Except it would just sound like a regular inspirational message.

My nieces would usually hit a heart on the message.  And then there were times when my niece would text and say, "Wow aunty.  That message was spot on. How did you know?" That happened a few times and that's when it hit me.  It doesn't matter how old you are or how much experience you have or what you do in life.  Ultimately, we all are going through our own trials, whether it is high school or college or job or family or whatever it is.  We all are going through our own struggles and we all need a message to pick us up and that's when I realized that inspirational messages were universal.

So now, whenever I hear a message that I need to remember for myself, I write it down in my little notes with a date for when that message will go out to my nieces. And of course, I still scan Facebook and instagram for inspiration to keep the texts going.

What are we, if we cannot help elevate each other?

Thanks for reading guys.  Stay safe and healthy.

TTR

Revealing Darkness

Dear friends,

For the past couple of days, I have been angry.  Perhaps that is not the best statement for today.  Why for the past couple of days?  Did the past several years not matter?  Does history not matter?  My cousin asked me if I saw the George Floyd video.  I told her that I had not.  I told her that I know that I would not be able to handle it because just hearing about it breaks my heart like I cannot express.  I am trying to dig deep and find out why today I am crying.  Is the movement finally reaching my ears?  I don’t know.

I think it’s because of a blog post I read about a black college professor who was “detained” by the police because he apparently fit the description of some black suspect. When this professor was asked several times as to his location and where he came from, several times he calmly gave the same truth and yet he was not believed.  And no one came and stood up for him.  I think ultimately after being detained at the gas station for quite a while, the police let him go.  The man recounts how he came close to possibly being killed because he said that if they wanted him to get in the police vehicle that would amount to him being guilty and he would not have accepted it and they would have ended his life for that. Here is the link to that post because it’s more effective coming from him.

A man who always has a warm welcoming smile, an open heart, and an internal kindness...

He was black and that’s all the police will see of him.

I read the post and changed the image of the man to one of my favorite patients.  A father who brings his children to my office.  A man who always has a warm welcoming smile, an open heart, and an internal kindness.  I look forward to him and his children coming to my office every 6 months.  And when I read the story and thought about him and his face flashed before me, except he was the one detained by the police, I was shaking.  I felt helpless.  I wanted to help him.  I wanted to scream, “you have the wrong man!  Let him go!” but my story is part just a thought, but it could very much be true. Why couldn’t it?  He was black and that’s all the police will see of him.

How many hearts and dreams need to be trampled upon and destroyed and desecrated before humanity can accept the price of America’s original sin?  I read reports about how there are peaceable protests and yet they are being met with violence.  Why?  Because blacks do not have the right to an equal American life.  They cannot be afforded the luxury of a peaceable protest. And there will be groups within the government or otherwise that will stir the pot and make the protests violent. Have they not bled enough?  Will America only rest when every black man, woman and child is deleted?  Why? What is their crime?  Because from where I see it, the crime falls on this great nation.  Throughout history we have taken away their access and power and yet they rise and I sure to God hope they continue to rise.  May they rise and may their voices be heard until they are treated as full equals.

I want to talk a bit about myself and my culture because this color divide has to stop.  I was born in South India and my earliest memories as a child was based on my color.  I was called “blackie” and “shanie”.  “Shanie” is a tamil word for cow dung because of the dark color of cow excrement.  Yes, those are my memories and as a 47 year old woman, they are still quite vivid in my mind.  In that culture, being a dark woman represents that you will not have as many offers for marriage, for a job, or otherwise.  And it holds true today.  I have heard of desi women today telling their children to stay out of the sun, not because of skin cancer, but because they will get dark.  The worst fear of a mother is that her child will be dark.  I have heard of children who said, I can’t go out in the sun, not till I get married.  I will get dark and I no-one will marry me.  Today as a racial divide continues to crumble our core of existence, I would like to call out all desi women who have ever reinforced this message to their children and other ears nearby.

I had to step back to my own story and to darkness to try to understand what it is that people fear about blacks.  Or anyone who has a darker skin tone.  Why does skin tone have such a systemic response?  I don’t have the answer for that.

I’ve been yelling at my husband for the past few days about the injustice to the blacks.  He has just listened quietly and said, “You are preaching to the choir”, but I am so angry.  If I am so angry, how angry will a black person who has dealt with this their whole life, be?  How much will they have had to withhold before the pressure cooker finally exploded? Don’t think about the violence and the looting and the protests.  This is the price America pays for injustice.  And will America pay back this price by indicting the officers? Will America pay back this price by treating blacks as equals and not as an inferior race?  Martin Luther King had a dream.  Perhaps we as Americans should have the same dream.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.  I have a dream… I have a dream that one day in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I am not the most eloquent writer but today I am compelled to write.  I am not able to heal until I get this on paper.  Perhaps expressing my thoughts will ease some of my burdens but what of the burdens that continue for our black Americans.

I’m not the most historically knowledgeable person.  I’m getting through reading White Rage by Carol Anderson and I’ll be honest.  It’s a tedious read.  It’s information heavy, but history is history.  I am understanding the other side and perhaps more people need to use empathy and stand with the other side.  What side of history will you stand on? Our country is at stake here.  We are at the brink of martial law and we are at the brink of losing our democracy.  

Board games, the next level.

My cousin in LA recently bought the game Ticket to Ride and then subsequently got introduced to Settlers of Catan.  When he bought Ticket to Ride, I asked him why he hadn’t checked with me.  I told him I could have guided him otherwise. He said that he was advised to buy Ticket to Ride and somewhere I started thinking about board games and the board game revolution and when to introduce who to what game.  What would I have told him to buy if he would have asked me? And then the answer slapped me in the face.  Whenever I host game nights at my place, and we have a new player, we almost always, invariably start with Ticket to Ride.  OK.  Maybe I would have told him the same thing.  I don’t know.
And then I think about my own game revolution.  When did I become so knowledgeable about board games?  And then time to dig deep and think about all the board games and why I enjoy playing them.  If you are a serious gamer, then this blog may not be for you.  Heck, at that point, I should be reading your blog.  But anyway, if you want to be a gamer or want to expand your horizons about board games, stay put.  If you want to know about the different types of games out there, hang tight.  We are going to take the next step from the Monopoly and Scrabble.  We are taking the next step from the games we grew up with.

When I discuss the board games in this blog, and no I will not discuss all the games I have played, and yes, there will be another blog about board games, but I want to break it down to a few categories.  Fun. Competition/cooperation.  Aggression.  Number of players.  Card building.  Strategy and luck.  If you are a type B personality, I’ll tell you right now – you won’t enjoy the games that I do.  The games I enjoy are not low key.  Actually, all the games I prefer to play are aggressive, involve strategy and the more convoluted the strategy, the better.  I love a good brain workout.  How to make this board work for me?  And how to make it not work for my opponents?  And when to do so?

I’m going to start off with a cooperative game.  These are games where players play against the board.  So, you all win together or you all lose together.  You talk to each other and strategize to figure out the best way to defeat the board while every turn the board tries to defeat you all. The game I’m talking about is Pandemic. It’s fun, but it’s not aggressive and competitive.  Heck, you are all friends playing together beating a board.  For me, that’s OK.  Kinda. I would rather play against each other to the death, but the good point of this game is the strategic element.  You all still have to flex your brain muscle to defeat the board.  It’s a 2-4 player game and I think a type B personality may enjoy it, especially one trying to transition into becoming an A type personality.  Haha.  Sorry. Couldn’t resist that comment.  I’m big on winning.  I know it’s better to have a win-win philosophy in life, blah, blah, blah.  Moving on.

Ticket to Ride is a standard. Why else would they have so many expansions of this game?  It’s a lot of fun.  The competition/aggression in this game is mild to moderate.  Basically you are building tracks to get from one city to another and if your tracks block someone else’s, then the real fun begins. It’s super easy to learn.  It’s super family friendly and it’s really the first game to introduce people into the genre of the strategic games.  There is some luck depending on the shuffle of the cards, but it’s not bad.  Also, upto 5 players can play it and that’s great because most games stop with the 2-4 player range.  The friends I have introduced this game to, went home and purchased their own copy.  I wish I had this blog up way back when so they could have used my Amazon Associates link but anyway.  Great game to start off with.

Next up.  Settlers of Catan.   When I first started this game it was a full blown fight at my home.  Anger.  Loud arguments.  Well, what can I say?  My family is hugely competitive.  The aggression in this game is because you can help someone but then they can end up double crossing you.  Basically the strategy in this game is to build roads, settlements and cities.
 Points are scored for longest roads, largest army and for the settlements and cities you own.  The strategy elements in this game are plentiful. Yes, there are dice so there is the luck of the draw, but I have won this game by buying strategic locations and having certain resources.  If you are past Ticket to Ride, this is the next best thing.  And the board is variable so every time is a different board and a different strategy so it will take a while to get tired of this game.  The game is for upto 4 players after which you’ll need an extension to make it 4-6 players.  The game is 25 years old and is still one of the gold standards of the modern gamer.  If you don’t own this game, then stop now and click on the link(s) above because this is the next best thing since sliced bread.  Please note, I will be posting my top strategies for Catan in a future blog.

The last game I want to mention for this blog, for now, is Dominion.  It’s a card building game.  It involves strategy and some luck (based on the shuffle of the cards).  Up to 4 players can play it.  Lately, my group has been playing it a lot.  The manufacturer has over 10 expansions of this game and the variability is extremely high.  Depending on the cards you play with, a game can last for 30 minutes or even an hour.  And repeating the same game?
 Hmmm. Well, there’s a randomizer app. It’s going to take a while.  So, just enjoy the variability that this game comes with.  To start, I would just buy Dominion and then if you enjoy it a lot, move on to Intrigue and after that, you should qualify to write this blog.

There are so many other games to mention.  But I will say this.  Yesterday I went to a board game meet up.  This is with gamers, so yes I lost, but I played a game called Hadara.  It was my first time playing it although it’s a variant of 7 Wonders.  Let’s save talking about these games for a later post.   As I said, I will be blogging more about games.  This is a way for me to process what I like and why.

Before I go, a few years back, I even went to Geekway to the West, the gaming convention in St. Louis.  OMG.  What a rush.  I loved it.  But I digress.  I was introduced to Viticulture and Scythe.  At that time, Scythe was not released to the market yet.  I was lucky to play it then.  It was so much fun, but back to yesterday’s board game meet up.  There were a couple of tables playing Tapestry.  That game looks involved.  I looked it up on Amazon.  Yes, it’s $99.  Holy Kamoli. Yes, it’s for the serious gamer. So, no, there won’t be a review of that game here for a while, but I just thought I would mention the two games that caught my eye yesterday.

While I plan more game posts, do you have any questions for me about games that you play, extensions, expansions.  I will try my best to steer you in the right direction.  For now, please use my links to purchase any of the games, if you are interested.  I may get a few pennies for it, so I thank you in advance.

Stay tuned for more.  

Real quick:  I am moving this blog over to shahnazahmed.com.  That site is a work in progress, but please save the link.  At some point, when I have a way for you all to subscribe to my blogs there, I will eventually move this blog over.  Of course, I will keep you all posted.  Thank you for hanging in there with me.

PS.  I’m posting this blog on shahnazahmed.com also!

Never give up!

I know people say this.  I've read a lot of memes about how persistence pays.  It's the plugging along and the plugging along and the plugging along and the one fine day, everything works concept.  It's easier said than done.  I don't want to hear, but I'm sure there are millions of stories of the trying and trying and trying and never making it to where they wanted.  I guess, we don't want to focus on that because then we'd most likely quit.  Heck.  I may not even start.
The thing with this concept is the continued focus even when things are going south.  When things are not staying in a consistent lull, but actually getting worse.  How does one not give up in those situations?  I don't have the answer, but I will talk about a couple of situations where I've heard this "never give up" philosophy work.
Situation 1.  I am following a podcast on Anchor and I haven't listened to a lot of their episodes, but there was one particular episode where the speaker talks about how he had only 7 listens to his podcast one day and he thought he was irrelevant.  He wanted to give up and then boom, it changed and a week later it just grew and it became 1000 people listening.  Wow.  I would like to know how that happens.  I would like a 100 people to listen for starters.  I'm digressing.  The point was that he stuck it through and if he would have quit when there was 7, he would have never known the potential.  It probably was really hard with just 7 listens especially when you are trying to make it big and when your livelihood depends on it.
The reason for this podcast is not situation 1.  It's situation 2 that really spoke to me.
Situation 2.  I'm in Antigua on the beach reading a book.  This a public beach and the vendors approach you to ask if you want to buy something or book a tour.  They are trying to do business and it's their livelihood.  There are guests who book and why not?  If you are not interested as a guest, you just say, "No thank you" and they move on.  Sometimes, they'll stop and ask how you are and what your plans are and if you want to book with them.  So, maybe the conversation takes a few more sentences than "Are you interested in a tour?" Reply with "No thank you".  I was on a beach chair reading a book and I didn't want to get interrupted but I didn't mind.  I understood the culture and it was fine.  A couple in the beach chair next to us, did not want to get interrupted and instead of "no thank you." They responded with "Do not talk to me.  I'm just trying to relax here and you come and talk to me."  And the vendor, I will not blame him said, "It's a public beach.  I can approach anyone I want." And this conversation went on and on with the guest getting more and more frustrated and security at the resort stepped in and finally the vendor moved on.  As he moved on, he said to himself and loudly, "Never Give up!  Never Give up!" and I wished I had a tour to book with him, but I didn't.  In face of contempt, the vendor, shook it off and held on to his mantra and went on.  I watched and thought about how often we shake away something bad and say to ourselves, "never give up."  For me, not too many times.  But maybe, I do need to do that more often.
So, before I go, Never Give Up dear friends.  Great things are coming your way.
TTR

Mid-life crisis and the mental block

As is the case when I've been gone for so long, I feel like I need to explain myself to you all.  I feel I need to fill you all in on my life and my podcast.  Yes, I do have a podcast now.  I have a new website now, with my name on it.  Yes.  My actual name.  As my husband asked me when I pondered the concept of eventually moving Theythrowrocks there, "But you won't be anonymous anymore!"  Hmmm.  Anonymity.  I thought it would give me the strength to be true.  To speak my mind.  To just say it as I see it, with judgement and all.  To bear myself.  To bear my true self.  While I "decided" that I was going to give it all up, then again, in true TTR fashion, I think about it.  Should I?  But don't most of my readers know who I am already?
OK, so that's something that I shuttle back and forth in my mind, but lately, my mind and even my life has felt like a mess.  Imagine a set of long tiny wires all tangled together and as you remove one knot, you create several others and after trying for as long as one does, you just give it all up.  You realize those wires will not ever be untangled and there's nothing you can do about it.  No amount of patience was going to help you.  Funny thing with mid-life crisis or just life crisis is that it jams your brain and like the tangles of wires, you try and try and nothing works.  Except with your brain you don't have a choice of trashing it and picking a new piece of neuronal networks.  I worked with the tangles and it became my new reality.  Simple questions became difficult to understand or respond to.  What are you doing with your life?  What do you want?  The answer was always, I have no flipping clue.  Seriously.  I wanted to give it all up and start over.  Then there's the finances to consider.  I couldn't think straight to try to salvage my reality and my job.  I looked for something new.  Maybe I want that.  No.  I want that.  In this mayhem, I cannot imagine how I started and kept consistent with a podcast.  Something that doesn't pay me at all.  It can't be a profession or a job.  I know you have to be famous to make it that way, but I'm a nobody right now.  I'm just TTR who's still struggling to understand the reasons for my own anonymity.
I just returned from a fabulous vacation to Sandals Grande Antigua.  Sandals, a chain that my husband and I have chosen, has been fun.  Has been a week of beach and sand and great food.  This time around, I decided it better be more.  I didn't know what I wanted from the beach but I looked up "beach meditation" online just in case.  So, first day out, we do our breakfast and I make it to the water.  I tell my husband that I am going to meditate and be one with the Universe and he laughs rolling his eyes because he knows his wife is crazy.  I don't care.  I feel the sand under my feet.  I look at the water, the small waves, the tiny ripples.  I look at the light greenish blue color of the water, as it turns bluer towards the horizon.  I look out at the shore line of white sand and the waves crashing.  I kept doing this.  Day 1.  Day 2.  Day 3.  And sometime around Day 2, some things started making sense in my life.  The twisted network that refused to work started sending signals.  I felt a change within me.  A clarity, if you will.  Suddenly I was able to see my work and what I wanted from it and also from my podcast and my blogs.  Yes, blogs.  I plan to have 3.  This one which is going to continue to be a lifestyles blog.  A wandering spirit blog about my travels and the third one, the script of my Living A Life Through Books podcast.
And I think about my office and what will make it work.  Everything that felt like a crushing feeling within me, was slowly releasing away and I could see clearer.  There was still a question I had in my mind that I was not finding the answer to.  I couldn't connect completely.  Day 4.  Better clarity.  I need to get a dot journal or whatever those things are called.  Or just a TTR style journal.  Day 5.  As I lay down to bed, the one question about my office hits me.  The why I do what I do.  It may seem crazy but you know how parents tell you not to touch a hot pot or just stuff like that and you learn it instinctively and it becomes a part of you.  What if someone asked you why you don't touch the pot anymore and you just didn't know why?  What if you didn't remember that pot was hot, but you just didn't touch it because of habit.  And when someone asks you, you say, that's just how it is, but you stumble with the why of something as simple as that.  Well, similarly with my job there was something I did and there was a reason.  Except, I did not remember what that reason was.  I think I starred at the blue ocean and felt the waves for a long time looking for that one last answer and it was the night of day 5 that it came to me.  More than just the answer.  A conviction about why I did what I did.  I spent Day 6 floating in the ocean and thanking the Universe for giving me answers that I couldn't find anywhere else.
Now, here I am, in a lounge at Miami International Airport, feeling a renewed sense of clarity.  OK.  I would be lying if I said I sorted every answer out.  As I sorted answers out, more questions came up and most of them have been sorted out.  The most important thing is the clog in my brain that has cleared up.  I can answer questions now.  My brain actually feels like it got a jump start.
Is is all mid-life crisis?  Is it all a mental block?  Who knows?  I know one thing for sure.  Everyone says they need the beach, that they need a vacation.  I feel my definition of a vacation has been to get away from it all for a while.  A panacea for a week and then back to the grind.  A bandaid that doesn't cure that which is your reality.  That used to be vacation for me.  This one was a first.  I can look at the beach with a renewed focus and a new set of eyes.  The eyes that allow me to return.  The eyes that want me to return and live the life I set out to live.
Before I go, I will say that I am not clueless to the stresses that are going to hit me as I get home.  I know the brain will unfortunately get clogged again.  I also know that, for me, a week of beach meditation and gratitude for being able to experience it has gone a long, long, long way.
I wish you all the best in this coming New Year.
TTR

How to cut a jackfruit

Dear friends,

Here's a crazy video I decided to post.  Hope you all enjoy it.  It's just one of those wild things that I thought about sharing and said, "why not?"

I could talk about the LONG Facebook live video that my husband posted of myself cutting a different jackfruit.  I would have loved to add the elements from that video, but my camera cut off while recording and I had to re-record some stuff so some stuff just didn't get recorded and the sequence got cady-wompused (is that a word?)

Before I go, on a totally different note, for those of you not following my Facebook page, a lot of changes are coming my way.  I have a podcast now called "living a life through books" and I'm going to do a TTR podcast also.  And I'm going to be having a new website and all that jazz.  I know I have been MIA, but please bear with me and it's going to be fun.

Hope you all are having a great day.  Catcha all later,

TTR  

All over the place

Dear readers, first off, I want to thank you for being there and putting up with my rambles.  For those of you who have been with me from the first day, I cannot tell you how much your support means to me.  Usually, when a post starts like this, it's usually a post about an end, but I'm not here to end this blog.  Far from it.  I'm just here to give you a tiny window into my crazy brain that is all over the place.  OK.  You've figured it out from my posts already.  I can hear one of your go, "have you finished your ship yet?".  No I haven't, although I have been thinking about going back to the basement and start working on it again.  It's just that my brain keeps hopping from one thing to another.  I'm glad I've even stayed half way consistent with this blog.
Last year, in efforts to tame my crazy mind, I started a project.  It was to read a book a month.  I finished it.  It was a big deal for me.  Well, it was also motivational to me because for the first time I felt that I can finish things.  That's why I was thinking about the ship again.  Finish one task at a time, I tell myself.  It's all a great idea but with all great ideas, more ideas pour into the mix and my brain goes on a scrambled mission yet again.  I have tried to keep focus with my books and that focus alone has helped me stay on a path.  A path leading to a new venture.  I'm planning on starting a podcast.  No.  It's not going to be like this blog and all over the place.  It's going to be about my journey through books.  It's not necessarily a book review.  Maybe I discuss some books, but mostly it's about how this journey of reading one book a month has changed me and how it makes me process my relationship with books.  So, while I'm all over the place, I do plan to keep up with this blog.  I will be starting another new blog also, which will essentially be the script of my Podcast and of course will be doing the Podcast.  I'm hoping to start sometime in July and I would appreciate your support.  And again, thank you for sticking with me through my many adventures.  Here's to many more adventures together.
Best to you all,
TTR

Going around in circles

Everyday for years now, I have taken the same path to work.  It's timed to be about a fourteen to sixteen minute drive depending on the lights.  I don't know why I settled on this path because there are 3 different ways to get to my office from home.  Everything was all smooth until last week when they decided to close, for 3 months, the main path that I used.  Like I said, there are 2 other paths to my office.  I picked a different path, which ended up being a eleven to a thirteen minute drive except, it's not always that way.  Let me explain.
When you drive the same path everyday, you don't pay attention.  Muscle memory kicks in and your car just drives itself.  When that path is blocked, changing a habit becomes tricky.  I have to repeat to myself over and over, take a left, not a right.  This is a left here and yet, I forget and lose myself.  I think I have taken a couple of right turns and then had to take a U-turn around and added time to my commute by 1 - 2 minutes.  Interesting enough, that's happened only couple of times to get to work.  Getting back is a different story.  I think there may have been only one day so far that I made it the right way.  One day, I turned the wrong way and then I cut across the parking lot and turned around and was about to turn back the wrong way but I remembered.  Today, I turned the wrong way all the way until I hit the sign that said "road closed ahead".  How did this happen?  When will I be able to drive and pay attention to where I'm going.  After all, I just realized this new path would save me 3 minutes.  It would make sense to just do it, but my mind just wants to go to autopilot when I'm driving, especially when I'm driving back.  Today I kept repeating to myself that I had to go the other way, after I made one turn around.  Well, repeating and focusing helped, but I never thought driving to and from work would be so much effort.  I wonder if one day I'll just drive around and around and around and how many circles I'd have to make before my mind can focus and actually go home.  I wonder.
That's it for this post.  Nothing deep but it is what it is.
TTR

Thoughts on Mother's Day

Mother's Day is almost over and I've been musing about this post.  I want to write something, but what?  I thought, I could start with the definition of "mother", but then in reality, I unfortunately do not know that definition.  I know it from one side of the story - watching and learning from my own mother.  The other side would be the true understanding of motherhood that only comes from being a mom.  I think in my life, I've gotten micro slices of that feeling of intense love that fills your senses and takes away all common sense where a child could have you wrapped around their little finger and play you like a violin.  I've seen that happen also and have watched mothers be oblivious to the power yielded by their little monsters.  Alas, am I straying off course?  Maybe.  Maybe not.
Today, on Facebook I saw a post from a mom advising other moms to "milk it" for today anything was fair game.  I personally, felt bad for that mom.  I thought about the moms who might have felt the need to "milk it".  It's like they give their whole life and sacrifice and deal with the crap of the wonderful nature of motherhood and they get what in return?  A day!  Out of 365 days, they get ONE day.  My mom always said that everyday was Mother's Day and that's what I feel.  A mother is more deserving of being special everyday and it's almost an insult to give her one day.  One measly day.  It's like saying, I love you and I appreciate you and I'll take the time and effort on this day.  The other days, well, don't expect much.  It's not mother's day and we did all that stuff for mother's day so get over it!!!
My niece asked me this morning if I wished my mom a happy Mother's Day.  I told her I'll get to it.  And then after going around and running errands, I went to visit my mom.  I don't know if I did it for mother's day or if I just wanted to go visit with her.  No.  I think I went because I felt obligated for Mother's Day and the sad part of it is that I almost feel like it absolves me of my duties as a daughter because I took the time and effort to go visit her on Mother's day.  If she calls, I can always say, hey, I visited on Mother's Day so don't complain.  See, my mom would tell me off and tell me that there is no such thing as Mother's day and the fact I visited her on Mother's Day doesn't count.  Everyday should be just as special.  I guess that's why I didn't send her flowers or do anything different.
For those of you who think that I'm a horrible daughter for not doing something out of this world on Mother's Day, well, you are entitled to your opinions.  My mother, has done more for me, than I could ever hope to do for her, even if I spent everyday and treated it as a special day for her.  Ya.  That's a mother.  My mom has worried about me and still worries about me when I get sick.  She's the only one who prays for me and wishes for my health, happiness and success.  I won't say I have the best mom in the world.  I think my mom is far from perfect and to live thinking that she's infallible is an error.  She has, however, despite her mistakes, always wanted and hoped for what was best for me.  Even if I didn't agree with her, she hoped and did what she felt was the right choice for me.  So, that's mom.  She's hilarious, crazy, smart, silly, caring, loving, the best cook and everything else.  Doesn't she deserve more than a day?
Alright.  Rant over.  Go on about your own business.
TTR

Influenza B changes your life perspective

I don't know where I got the flu from.  Before you ask me about the flu shot, let me just tell you that I did not do it.  This is not about a "serves you right" post.  I have never had the flu shot and for years I've had flu like symptoms but never the full blown flu.  Well, I guess you live and learn.
What does the flu feel like?  I couldn't walk.  I couldn't talk.  I couldn't sit up in bed for longer than an hour.  I was too exhausted to brush my teeth.  Being a dentist, that was something that hit me.  Way back in the days of my residency, with kids in the hospital, the last thing that would be taken care of would be the brushing of teeth.  Now, I understand.  I was too groggy and confused to think about standing and brushing for a good 2 mins.  I'm also asthmatic and the flu triggered my asthma and so I wasn't breathing well either.  My muscles hurt and spasmed randomly.  Oh yeah.  I couldn't hold down food.  I even threw up a sip of gatorade.  All of this and coughing lead to a headache also.  Basically, I wasn't a happy camper.
All I'll say is that there are a lot of things we take for granted everyday.  The ability to breathe normally is something that I still don't have, a week later.  I think about having the energy to walk normally and just enjoy the weather outside.  I think that's life.  We don't see what we have until it's taken away.  A lot of times I'm thinking about material things I want - a new Kindle for instance.  Wanting puts me at a position of not having.  After having the flu, I want nothing more than my health.  Having all systems working normally is a gift indeed.
I'm not saying we shouldn't shoot for the stars with our goals or that we shouldn't want.  I just feel that we don't recognize what we have so readily as our focus is not on what we have but what we don't have.  A little gratitude goes a long way.
Here's hoping your lives are filled with plenty and you have no want.
Wishing you all the best in health and happiness,
TTR

The Travel Conundrum

I've heard people say that I'm well travelled.  I disagree, but that's not the point of this post at all.  Or maybe it is.  Hear me out.  I enjoy traveling and getting to experience new cultures and new worlds.  It's just fascinating.  On my last trip to Portugal, I had a fabulous time navigating the narrow cobblestone streets, but yet, I find myself thinking about the beach.  I think about lounging all day, reading a book, or writing and doing absolutely nothing.  Two very different prospects of travel.  For the past few years, my husband and I have been doing the all-inclusive adults only chain of Sandals.  It started with our honeymoon.  I remember it clearly.  Brad said to me, "we should come back here!".  I replied with "Here?  Here as in another Sandals or here as in here, this place, this same resort."  He said, "This same resort."  I told him that there were so many other resorts to explore, so many other islands to explore, even in the Sandals chain.  We could stick to the chain, I told him, but we should really try the others.  That was 5 years ago.
Today I find myself waiting for a Sandals vacation.  My mind will skip past fantastical vacations I've scheduled, waiting to return back to Sandals and back to the beach.  Yet, I plan future non-beach vacations also. So many places to visit.  I mean, countries.  If you've visited parts of a country, should you return to other parts of the same country?  Is that repeating?  Or should I just try a different country because part of travel is about new and exciting?  Is it about getting a notch on your belt?
As I get older and find myself wanting to be at the beach and as I discuss with my husband about the one Sandals resort we want to continue to keep returning to every year, I think about vacations and travel.  I've heard people criticize me about going back to the Caribbean over and over.  I've heard comments about why Sandals, over and over.  I wonder if at 45 years, peer pressure is still getting to me or should I just do what I damn well please?
There is comfort in the familiar and yet there's excitement in the new.  I would say, familiar to me would be Sandals - a resort chain that has been tried and tested for us.  Recently, we were at Puerto Vallarta at one of the Vidanta resorts - The Grand Bliss.  It wasn't all inclusive and while the resort was large and the room was fabulous, it was next to impossible to find a beach chair.  Yes, we took long walks along the beach and we had a tamarindo daiquiri, which we hadn't had at any other resort, but the resort was too large for my taste.
I return back home and get online to check the deals at a Sandals.  Yet, there's a part of me that wonders if I want to go back to a Viking river cruise.  I think to myself that it was rush, rush, rush and a lot of bus travel but then again, we got to see a lot in a short time.  Sure we didn't have time to breathe or take it all in, but hey, it was a great way to get a sampling of the cities we visited.  I can always argue that we love the hop on hop off bus tour in the cities we visit.  Isn't that a bus tour and isn't that a slice of the city in a short time?
The other grand travel factor is of course the F word - finances.  The places and trips that I have my eyes on, do not sit well with my wallet.  So, it's a factor of actually saving money, a little every month to be able to experience the unique, in a relaxing setting.  The time factor is critical as well.  I'm not retired yet.  Far from it.  Owning my own practice gives me the freedom to take time off as I choose, but it also limits me in that I don't get paid when I take time off.  So, there's only so long I can be gone before the office needs me to make an income and take care of the little pesky things called bills.
I took a travel test a couple of months ago on Facebook.  It recommended my top places to visit as Banff and Iceland!  Maybe I won't be walking along the beach there, but the hiking and canoeing can be quite relaxing.  I remember canoeing in Alaska.  We were on a small ship cruise (max 36 passengers) with Fantasy Cruises.  The canoe was part of the trip and couple of days we were on the canoe and they pretty much let us canoe for as long as we wanted.  So, we canoed for almost 2 hours watching the bald eagles above us.  It wasn't the beach, but it was peaceful and ultimately I think when it comes to travel, I just want my mind to clear and to connect with nature and forget the world that I've left behind briefly.
So, maybe it doesn't have to always be the beach.  Maybe, if finances allowed, time to rejuvenate my soul may just be my most valuable asset, wherever that might be, in whatever country that might be.  It is a blessing to look at the mirror and live an honest life.  A life of your choosing.  Not one that is riddled by the comparisons that we frequently find ourselves fighting.
Wishing you all a well travelled and well experienced life of your dreams.
Best to you all,
TTR

A few kind words can keep you going

I was between patients today when I checked my phone and my email.  There was one new email from my theythrowrocks account.  Usually, such emails are junk, but not this time.  It was someone I did not know and it was someone who did not know me either!  The message goes as follows:  I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was great.  I don't know who you are but certainly you are going to be a famous blogger if you are not already ;) Cheers!
Wow, I thought.  Me?  Famous blogger?  When did this happen?  Not yet, but someone believes it as a possibility and that someone put a big smile on my face.  The post was "Moth Pitch" and I wondered if the video in the post was the kicker, but I need to slow down and stop wondering.  I think I need to just enjoy the moment.  Of course, when someone comments on your blog, it's a huge compliment.  They read my blog!  They READ my blog.  Awesome!  One tends to get carried away for a bit and then I have to plant my feet firmly on the ground and plug along.  I realized that I hadn't done a post this whole month.  Now was as good a time as any to write one.
This past weekend I was at a wedding and for whatever reason, I decided to do most of the events on Facebook live, instead of taking pictures.  Well, family from around the world who could not attend the wedding were thanking me for the live videos.  At the same time, my Facebook friends who had never been to a desi wedding were confused about what was going on.  I got a private message asking me about the wedding and I told her that I would have to blog about it.  Well, I do need to make a post about it, but my schedule is super tight.  I'm out of town next weekend also.  A lot of the days, I'm just tired.  Today's email gave me that shot I needed to get on here and post something.  I figured it doesn't have to be earth shattering.  As long as I keep it going, I may accidentally cross paths with someone else I do not know and hopefully that kind of thing will keep happening over and over and over again.
So, with that said, I wish you all a life filled with kind words.

TTR

Meeting a friend on the Viking River Cruise

It was never never never Wimbledon

Princess problems

The Columbia Titanium Story

It's winter here in St. Louis and it's a cold one.  Temperatures have been dropping into the single digits and while I'm working, I see patients walk in all bundled up in their jackets.  I take an active interest in what my patients are wearing.  Why?  That's a whole different story but a couple of days ago, I noticed this dad wearing a really neat bright colored Columbia Titanium jacket.  I didn't make any comment about it but I wondered about the whole brand.  I'd heard of Columbia, but was this the new thing?  Columbia Titanium?  Don't get me wrong.  I see North Faces and Patagonias and I just hadn't seen the Columbia Titanium brand.  Well, with that dad, I didn't say anything.
The next mom that had a black Columbia Titanium had me curious.  "So, tell me what's with the Columbia Titanium.  I know the brand name Columbia, but what's with the titanium?"  I had to know.  I got a real story and a lesson in that simple curious question.  She started with, "Oh this thing!  I don't know about the titanium."  She unzips her jacket to reveal a shiny inner layer.  She proceeds to talk about how warm it was and she thought it used her body heat.  She told me that the jacket was so warm that she needed to cool down while skiing.  She raised her hands and there were zippers there to open up the armpits, to cool you down if you get too hot.  I said, "Wow!  That's pretty neat!" and she replied with, "Yes, and we got this free.  Columbia just mailed it to us!"
OK.  Now she had my attention.  A nice Columbia Titanium jacket (now that I figured out how warm it was) was mailed to her for free.  How does that happen?  There comes the story.  She laughed and said, "My husband and his friend were just messing around in our basement and making YouTube videos with camping gear. They were comparing all kinds of camping things and they had never been camping themselves, but we got tons of beef jerky mailed to us.  Once we got 3 kayaks sent to us!"  The Columbia jacket was one of their mailings!  I'm still not completely buying this story.  I'm buying it, but there's more.  There has to be.  I can't just have a YouTube channel and things coming through my door?  "How many viewers did they have?  How often did they do this?  There is no way they are getting all these goods just because."  She explained that they did a video every 2 weeks consistently and they would mention that they are comparing products and ask for companies to send them products to be included in the comparison and that's how they got the products sent to them.  She said, "People want their products talked about!"  Then she continued to talk about how the whole thing was a joke and they didn't do it anymore.  With that kind of innovative mentality, they took it to marketing and motivation and I can't recall, but they made a lot of contacts on LinkedIn and they apparently have a multi-million dollar business currently.  Very cool.  I think Tony Robbins was one of their contacts (a friend of a friend) but still I sit back and listen to the story and I told her that they were deserving of everything because they were consistent.  I told her about this blog I write and I talked about how I would write 4 blogs one day and then nothing for the next few months.  I said, "it's consistency that gets you places" and I believe that.
I remember watching a video where this person talks about the ONE factor that made high school kids succeed in their future.  It wasn't their grades or anything like that.  It was their "grit".  That was the word she had used.  Call it what you want.  Grit.  Consistency.  Sticktoitivity.  It doesn't matter.  A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.  That's where success lies.  We know about it through a very famous childhood story of the Tortoise and the Hare.  Another great example of progress - small, dragged out, tedious, micro step at a time progress, non quitting progress.  The progress that gets you to the destination.  I bow down to the tortoise.  I'm a hare.  I move fast and can move 20 paces forward at lightning speed.  And then I can move 50 paces sideways and diagonally backwards at that same speed, while I watch my husband, the tortoise, make slow, steady deliberate steps forward and he has made it to destinations (published plays) while I zip back and forth in my confused state of a pseudo-progress.  Ah.  Wouldn't it be great if I could just use my own lessons?
I will say that my personal progress, micro steps, is coming along.  Last year, I had a goal of reading one book a month.  I know.  It's nothing for most of you, but for the hare here, it's focus and consistency.  The destination was 12 books.  I gave this hare, the choice to read 12 books in a month or spread it out in a year.  Some months I read 3, some months none, some months one but I finished the goal.  12 books done!  This year is destination 24 books.  We're in the first week of Feb and I'm at 3.  So far, so good.
Here's to a more consistent life to all of us!
Best to you all,
TTR

The Empathy Story

Hello all.  This is my first time actually trying to post from YouTube directly into Blogger.  I hope this works!  This was a story I did in the Fall of 2017.  Just hadn't published it yet.

The book vs the e-reader

I haven't even written a word yet and I can already hear the screams in the distance.  Book!  Book!  Book!  Book!  Book!  Funny thing.  A few years ago, I might have been one of those screams.  Now, in 2018, I have 3 e-readers (Kindle, iPad and Nook) and I have several books that I am reading.  I even purchased several books in 2017.  I've been going back and forth.  I'm an Amazon Prime member and with that I get a free e-book a month.  So, my e-book account is filled; Almost like a book shelf with unread books.

Here's my story.  I used to be a reader through my childhood and even to my late 30s.  Only books then.  I don't remember when e-readers came to be.  Somewhere there I had some significant life changes - a new job, a divorce, a marriage.  Ok fine!  Minor detail!   A couple of years ago, I realized that while my life changed, some of my behaviors did also.  I stopped reading.  I stopped writing.

Well, the writing part is true and not so true.  I did start this blog in 2014, I think.  Wow!  Really?  So long ago.  Back to the story, I haven't worked on my novel and it was a note to self.  I needed to write more.

Second part, I needed to read more.  I had seen/read something on Facebook (the time suck) about how the average person can read 400 books a year, easily.  I think this was a video because the guy in the video did the math.  It was basically about replacing Facebook time with reading time.  I thought about it and decided to give it a try.

Every night, I would do Facebook for an hour or more before going to bed.  I know.  Blue light.  Unhealthy.  That's not the point.  The point is that I replaced my Facebook time for book time.  And soon, I was done with a book.  I think in less than a week.  I was blown.  I couldn't believe it.  How?  I thought to myself that I would love to read my Kindle in bed, because it won't affect my eyes, but my bedroom is not very well lit.  That idea did not work.  At that time, I did not have an iPad.  I considered getting a Kindle White light (with the back light), but I just didn't want another Kindle.  Electronic waste of the old one.  I got an iPad instead.  There goes the eyes argument!  I made a pact to myself that I would read a book a month.  12 books.  I know, for you readers out there, it's little.  Piddly.  For me, going from 0 to 12.  That was something.

2017:  I finished my 12 book reading goal.  This year is 24 book goal (2 books a month).  In this process, I have been switching between iPad and iPhone using the Kindle app.  I have used the Kindle (need sunlight and outdoors for this one) when the weather was better.  The last book I read was long.  About 600 pages.  Palm trees in the Snow.  This was one of my free Prime books.  I guess, I decided to do it because I wanted to get the big ones out of the way.  Well, I read it and read it and read it.  It took me a couple of weeks, but I got it done.  I got my 2 books for January read and I was all good to go.

February books I have picked, I started early.  It's an actual book.  So, now, when I'm reading in bed, I'm constantly adjusting the reading light (that I purchased), but more importantly, as I'm reading, all I can see is the page number.  I can visually see how much more there is.  I guess if I really wanted to calculate, I could pull out a calculator and see what percent of the book is remaining, but I'm fascinated.  In the past, a page number would have been enough.  Now, I wanted to know, the time remaining to finish this chapter.  To finish this book.  And books don't come with that information on the bottom.  And I found myself missing the Kindle.  It would learn my reading speed and tell me how much longer I had.  I could very easily think to myself, "Oh!  15 more minutes to this chapter.  Let's finish now."  I know the argument can be made that you can actually see how many more pages there are to the chapter, but then you are flipping through (that has its advantages) looking for where the next chapter is.  Here, the information is all on the little tab where the page number would be.  One click and I can revert to page number.  Or time left in book.  While I'm reading my book, somehow, I don't have the "there's only so much more time to finish this" thought to propel me.

I do find change funny.  I remember when I first started reading on the e-reader and it had time remaining, but didn't have page numbers.  I had percent left.  That drove me nuts.  I guess the app must have updated to page numbers also, but change can be a glorious thing!

Of course, there is the space issue.  The other day, I tried to carry a book in my purse and that didn't work out so well.  I ended up buying a bigger purse, but if that book was on my e-reader, that would be a no brainer.  I wouldn't need to carry it.  I could just carry my cell or even my other larger readers.

I do think about the time I had the e-reader and I just wanted to flip through the pages and go back to page 1, really quick to verify something and I didn't know how to do that in my e-reader and I thought.  Ahhhh, the fast flipping back and forth of pages.  That does put a book in an advantage, but there are so many other advantages to the e-reader that you have to pick a side.

Also, as I have more books, I realize that I don't have much shelf space left.  I think I'm going to donate some of the books I don't "love" that I've already read.  That may clear space for what I have now.  I have read several books on my e-reader and I do not miss them on my shelves.  I just don't.

Disclosure:  I haven't opened my Nook yet.  But after I'm done with reading real books, holding them and actually turning the page and feeling the paper and all that medieval, classical, nostalgic feelings are done, I'm registering my Nook and buying more books on them.

Change is a process.  I'm getting there.

TTR

The Syrian refugee Uber driver

His name was Akhram and he was my Uber driver.  I usually try to make conversation with my drivers so I asked him how long he had been in this country.  I don't know what the giveaway was.  It might have been his accent.  He said, "18 months."  I asked him where he was from and he responded, "Syria.  Do you know where that is?"  I said, "yes" trying to process his experience through the fog in my head of travel fatigue and through my continued sickness.  I asked him if he liked America and he talked about getting used to the new language and culture and customs.  No, he did not like it.  He told me that his son would cry everyday for 2 weeks before going to school.  His kids didn't know the language either.  He talked about bringing his 85 year old mother here.  He said that his move here was for his children.
He talked about the jets that flew over everyday, bombing Syria.  He said, "We were just waiting our turn to die.  Which bomb was going to kill us.  Was it the next?"  He talked about faith and how he didn't mind dying and that death was a reality.  He said that his children however did not understand that death was a reality.  They were constantly terrified with all the bombing and he had to get out of there.  The first step of his journey lead him to Jordan for 3 years.  He didn't have a work visa there.  They didn't issue those so his move to America was about survival and working.  He talked about working and making an honest living.  As an upper end electrical engineer/project manager from Syria, at the end of the day, he was just happy to have his family.  He said, "for people, America is cars, money, things.  For me, security.  I have my family and that's all I need"
He talked about how some people in Phoenix didn't know what was going on beyond their little circumference of the city.  He smiled wistfully, then he chuckled and said, "That's good too, you know."  He talked about passengers canceling rides when they see a Muslim name.  He talked about passengers asking him if he were ISIS.  He said he tries his best to educate his riders that ISIS is not Islam.
Part of me wished I would have just recorded the conversation.  Part of me was hoping he would someday make a Moth story.  Why not?
The ride did not take long, but I had to record as much as I could remember.  It might be my health but I was trying to wrap my head around a life of constant bombing and moving to Jordan and then to the US.  He talked about the region in general and how it's a mess because of the dictators.  He said that Assad only wanted power and oil and full control;  in the process only a million people were killed.  Yes, I'm being sarcastic here.
I'm typing this trying to focus despite my coughing and difficulty breathing.  I hope I have managed to capture some of the essence of my conversation with him.  Perhaps, my writing is not as effective, but today, once again, I'm reminded of the International humanitarian crisis that the world faces while we continue in our little cocoons sheltered from it all.
Best to you all,
TTR